Fast Times At Karakura High
by BurgerKingDrive-By
Summary: It's a new school year and Ichigo heads back to school where he'll meet Toshiro Hitsugya-who has experienced a growth spur during the summer break. Trouble will ensue as both of them get into the craziest of situations. The girls go crazy for Toshiro, and how will a jealous Rangiku react to all of this? Rated M for language and situations.
1. AYO! You're Toshiro!

Ichigo arrived 15 minutes early to school. Summer was over and it was the start of a new school year. He didn't see Chad, Keigo, and Mizuiro in front of the school so he assumed they were already in the homeroom. He took a flight of stairs and made a left turn into the hallway when he ran into another student.

"Watch it, jackass!" Ichigo said. "Just because you're a senior doesn't mean you own the joint!"

"Sorry Ichigo." Said the student.

"How do you know my name? 'cause I ain't seen a Nigga like you around dis joint."

"Ichigo, don't be a moron you know who I am. Unless, you lost a lot of brain cells during the summer on account of your drinking." Laughed the student.

Ichigo looked at him. He was a tall student, about 6'4 feet, wide shoulders, and athletic built. He looked like he was a senior or a first-year university student.

 _Dis Nigga is playin' me. I never seen him in my life, but if he wants to pick a fight right now, I'm gonna go Mike Tyson on his ass! And I don't care if he has more muscle mass than me! Nobody messes with me!_ Ichigo taught.

"Nigga, I ain't never seen you in my life! So quit yo hustling!" Ichigo said, with a look of annoyance.

"Ichigo, it's me, Toshiro." Said the student.

"Shut up! You take me for a fool?"

"Alright, if you don't believe I am the real Toshiro, how would I know if your porn stash was stolen by Kon?" Asked Toshiro.

Ichigo froze and blushed. He still hadn't recovered his collection. How did this guy know about this incident?

"Toshiro, is that real you?!" He asked surprised. "What happened? What you take? Hook a brotha up!"

"I didn't take anything, Ichigo. I just achieved _bankai_ during the summer and this is the result." Toshiro said with grin.

"Dats cool." Ichigo said, trying to play it off nonchalantly, but secretly envious of Toshiro's new look. He now knew he could no longer mock Toshiro for his short size because now the balance of power had dramatically shifted. Toshiro looked like he could kill him in a street brawl without breaking a sweat. He hoped Toshiro wouldn't get even with him for all the times he ridiculed him.

"Wait until the rest of the gang sees you. They'll definitely faint!" Ichigo said with a laugh.

They both laughed and walked down the hallway to their homeroom.

After attending two classes, news of Toshiro's new look spread across the school. The sports teams were talking about him. The girls were talking about him. The delinquent students were talking about him. Even the female teachers were talking about him. As Ichigo predicted, some of his friends did faint-Orihime and Tatsuki, most notably. Keigo started to cry and cursed the day he was born because his odds of getting a girlfriend vaporized the moment Toshiro walked into the classroom. Chad was happy he had someone he could finally test his strength via arm wrestling.

Toshiro was walking down the hallway to his next class, when he was greeted with the adolescent screams of giddy school girls.

"Hitsugaya-kun, do you have a girlfriend?" Asked one girl.

"Hitsugaya-kun, please accept this letter!" Said another.

"Hitsugaya-Senpai, please notice me and be my boyfriend!" Said a girl that was from a lower grade.

"SCRAM, SLUTS!" Another woman screamed.

She pushed her way through the crowd of girls until she was standing next to Toshiro.

It was Rangiku Matsumoto.

"He already has a girlfriend! So beat!" She said.

"WHO IS SHE?!" They screamed in agony as their adolescent fantasies had been shattered to the point where they would complain for days on their social media accounts. Some would contemplate moving to another school because the shock had been too great for them.

"None of your damn business, you skanks! Now beat it before I call the Thot Patrol!" Rangiku said, furiously.

The girls began to cry inconsolably and ran off in various directions.

"That wasn't necessary. I had it under control, you know." Said Toshiro.

"Sure you did, Captain." Rangiku said in a mocking tone.

Keigo spotted Rangiku and eyed her wonderful assets.

 _Daaayumm, girl! Dem melons got big during the summer!_ He thought, as he threw himself to Rangiku, only to be knocked out with one punch by Toshiro before arriving to his destination.

"We need to talk." Said Rangiku, as she grabbed Toshiro's hand and led him away.

They entered a storage room that was inside the school. Rangiku turned on the light and closed the door. The room was filled with student desks, office desks, PE equipment, mats, and other various school supplies.

"Rangiku, why are you here in the first place? You should be at home taking care of the baby! We had an agreement!" Said Toshiro.

"Relax, Shiro-chan." She said with a wink. "Nanao, is taking care of him. I just had to be here today to make sure these high school hoes weren't throwing themselves at you. Obviously, I came at the right time. May I remind you you're not single anymore." She said with a mischievous smile.

"There just moronic girls, that's all. I'm not interested in them so there's no need for you to start getting jealous." Toshiro said. "Let's save this conversation for home. I have to go now, otherwise I'll be late for my next class."

Toshiro was about to head for the door, when Rangiku blocked his way and threw herself at him. She delivered a passionate kiss to him. Toshiro was left breathless. The kiss was becoming deeper and deeper, and he could not escape its intoxicating hold it had on him. Rangiku broke the kiss, as both caught their breaths.

"You left early without saying goodbye, Shiro. So I thought I come down here to give you what you forgot." Rangiku said lustily.

"Rangiku, no, I have to go to my next class. Besides, we can't do this in here!" Toshiro said nervously.

"We have all the time in the world." She said, as she open up her blouse to reveal her gravity-defying globes and put her arms around him, pulling him, to deliver another passionate kiss.

Toshiro now knew he was going to be late for class. Really late.


	2. Burn diz mutha down!

Ichigo was on top of the rooftop leaning on the security fence, while overlooking Karakura town. He was drinking beer while listening to NWA on his Beats headphones.

The door to the rooftop opened and Toshiro stepped out and approached Ichigo.

"Yo, Ichigo!" Toshiro said, as he stood next to him.

Ichigo nodded in acknowledgement. Then he started to laugh and took off his headphones, as the music was blaring out.

"Yo, playa! You got lucky? Who was the hoe?" He said.

"What are you talking about?" Said Toshiro.

"You got some lipstick on your mouth, playa." Said Ichigo.

Toshiro reached into his pockets to take out a handkerchief, but pulled out a pair of black panties instead. His face blushed in horror and embarrassment.

"Daayum, son! Breaking hearts and breaking hymens before the day is over! Who was the babe, man?!" Asked Ichigo, excitingly.

"It's not what you think, Ichigo! Rangiku just pulled a stupid joke on me, that's all."

"What's with the lipstick, then? You better not let your old lady find out you have a side chick." Ichigo said, with a grin.

"It's not what you think it is." Toshiro said nervously. "Rangiku uses this stupid lipstick that doesn't stay on. I keep telling her not to use it but she won't listen."

"Sure, playa. You know me, I ain't no snitch. So if you're smashing some fine ass babe, I ain't telling your old lady nuffin, all right." Ichigo said with a wink.

Toshiro rolled his eyes and decided to drop the topic. It was better if Ichigo didn't know the truth, otherwise he would be begging him incessantly about the explicit details. Ever since he found out Rangiku and he had secretly married and had produced a child, Ichigo had asked Toshiro the most intimate questions on their relationship. Unfortunately for Ichigo, Toshiro hadn't revealed anything-he wasn't that type of guy to kiss and tell every detail in all their explicit glory.

"So I heard you got the school's female population on yo tail." Ichigo chuckled.

"Well, it could have been worse. It could have been Hollows." Said Toshiro.

"How's junior?"

"He's fine. He's going to be one year old soon. He sleeps, eats, and grows." Toshiro said proudly.

"Your old lady doesn't seem to trust you if she showed up here on your first day of school, huh?" Asked Ichigo.

"Ever since my growth spur, she's been a bit possessive. I guess that's how woman are sometimes. She better not be coming here for the rest of the school year. I told her she should stay at home to raise the kid and I would go to school and work."

"You okay with work?"

"Yeah, it's all right. It pays the rent and stuff, but I just don't see myself working at Lawson's forever. I took a freelance gig working as a computer programmer since I learned how to code during the summer. That's been helping to supplement my income."

"Are you going to continue being a Shinigami?"

"I don't know. I haven't had a raise in over a century, so I don't know if I would want to continue, especially since I now have a family to support. The thing about being a Shinigami is we take all the risks, but were aren't rewarded properly and Central 46 is a bureaucratic nightmare." Toshiro remarked bitterly.

"What if Central 46 finds out about your old lady and kid?" Asked Ichigo.

"There are no rules regarding marrying subordinates, so I guess we might be okay. But it could become a scandal if they would find out. I suppose they would punish us, just to save face, but I don't know how severely." Toshiro said.

"I hope they don't find out." Remarked Ichigo. "If there is one dude who deserves happiness, it's you."

"Thanks, but I'm not taking my chances. Our relationship is staying a secret for as long as I can keep it." Said Toshiro. "You coming to class?"

"Nah, I'll skip for today. Morrikawa Sensei is an idiot. You don't learned anything in that class." Said Ichigo as he opened a new can of beer.

"All right, later." Said Toshiro.

"Yeah, and keep Detroit smashing dem chicks, all right, Playa!" Ichigo said with a laugh.

Toshiro climbed the stairs to his apartment building. He finally reached his apartment unit on the third floor, and took his keys out and opened the door.

"Welcome back, Shiro." Rangiku said, as she was sitting on the living room tatami.

"Good Evening, Captain Hitsugaya." Replied Nanao, as she stood up and bowed.

"Hello, Nanao. There's no need to be formal. You're the aunt of my child, after all." Toshiro said.

"Oh, right. I just came to pick up some of the paperwork. I'll be back tomorrow with a new stack. Goodbye, Rangiku. "

"Bye, Nanao and thanks for taking care of the baby."

Nanao kissed the baby that was inside the playpen near Rangiku.

"Goodbye, Captain." Nanao said as she bowed.

"Bye, Nanao. See you tomorrow." Toshiro said, as he opened the door for her.

 _My goodness! He's so handsome!_ Nanao thought, her face fully blushing, as she walked along the hallway of the apartment building. _Why does an idiot like Rangiku have all the luck and gets married to such a hot guy like Captain Hitsugaya, while a responsible girl like me, can't meet a decent guy?_ She lamented, as she waked downstairs.

 _Someday, my prince will come._ She thought. _Rangiku better take care of Captain because men like he don't come around often._ She thought, as she walked to her apartment building.

"How's my boy?" Asked Toshiro to his baby.

The baby laughed and smiled, as Toshiro picked him up.

"He spent his day with Aunty Nanao and they had a great time together." Rangiku said.

"Rangiku, what was that you put in my pocket today? And that lipstick? I keep telling you to stop wearing that! You're going to blow our covers!" Said a frustrated Toshiro, as he returned the baby to the playpen.

"Oh, that was just a reminder." Rangiku said with a wink. "For you and all the skanks at school that your taken."

"Rangiku, that's not funny! Don't tell me you spent the entire school day wearing nothing!" Said Toshiro, angrily.

Rangiku laughed. "Oh, Shiro-chan! Don't be a village idiot. Of course not! I always keep a spare pair for emergencies." She said mockingly.

"Especially, emergencies like the one today." She said in a sultry voice, as she leaned forward and put her arms around him.

Toshiro stopped her advancements as he sat down on the couch.

"You're lucky Ichigo was the only who saw me like that. It was really embarrassing, but I rather have him seeing me than Rukia, Orihime, or any else." Said Toshiro.

Rangiku laughed and shook her head. "You think Orihime and Rukia would figure it out? As if! Those two are easy to manipulate. They'll see what you want them to see. Nothing else."

"Besides, what where you doing talking to Ichigo?" She asked with a suspicious look.

"I went to the rooftop for some fresh air and found him there. I always talk to him." Said Toshiro.

"About us?" Rangiku interrupted him. "I bet you were talking to him about all of our intimate moments together." Rangiku said angrily.

"No, I talk to him about school, sports, and other things." Toshiro said defensively. "You think I'm going to tell a horn dog like Ichigo about what we do in the privacy of our home."

"Sure, you two talked about school, sports, and BOOBS!" She snapped at Toshiro.

"You wish! I don't roll like that, Rangiku, and you know it. But maybe you're the one that likes to talk about intimate matters with Nanao." Toshiro responded.

"I do not!" She said blushing.

"Your lips say 'no', but your face says 'yes'." He said.

"I do not talk about such things with Nanao! Toshiro, I'm a married woman and mother! I'm not going to be discussing these matters with her." Rangiku said with irritated look on her face.

"Did you tell her your face looks contorted like a Picasso painting when we're in bed?" He said teasingly.

"My face does not look contorted!" Said an annoyed Rangiku.

"Oh, Shiro-Chan! Shiro!" Toshiro said in a high pitch voice while his face had one eye open and his tongue sticking out.

"That's it! You're not getting some tonight!" Said Rangiku angrily.

"I wasn't planting on 'getting some' when I have to study all night. I need to save my energy for tomorrow's test." Said Toshiro in a mocking tone.

"You're such an ungrateful brat, Toshiro. I cook, I clean, and I take care of the baby. But you can't appreciate it when your loving wife wants to make sweet love to you." Rangiku said, facing Toshiro, as she sat down next to him in the couch.

"Oh, I appreciate it all right. I just don't like the location you pick and how you follow me to school when you should be taking care of little Takashi." He said pointing to the baby in the playpen.

"Well, it was a good thing I showed up to school today. Otherwise, those skanks would have been all over you. And from the size of the crowd, I was right." She said with an angry look.

"I didn't need your help. I can handle those morons with no problem." Toshiro responded.

"Oh, sure. They were just throwing themselves at you, and you were just enjoying the attention." Rangiku countered.

"That's not true, Rangiku. You know, you're just jealous, aren't you?" He said with a smug look on his face.

"I am not! What's there to be jealous?"

"That I would trade you for a newer model. Isn't that right, Ran? Ever since I had my growth spur, you simply can't trust me around other women. You have become so paranoid, you think I'm going to go with the first chick that throws herself at me." Toshiro said in a sarcastic tone, as he tried to put his hands around her hips and pull her towards him.

"Oh, shut up! That's the most moronic thing I have ever heard!" Rangiku said, as she fought off his advances.

She broke away from his hands, got up from the couch, and headed towards the kitchen. Not before Toshiro slapped her butt as she was leaving.

"Oh, behave, Toshiro!" Rangiku said, as she turned around with an angry look on her face.

"You know you like it." Toshiro said, with a smile on his face.

Rangiku turned around and headed straight to the kitchen. She bit her lower lip and blushed.

Toshiro and Rangiku ate dinner in silence. Toshiro finished his meal, got up, and put his dishes on the kitchen sink.

"Thanks for the dinner, Ran." He said, as he headed towards the living room to begin studying. "It was delicious." He leaned forward to kiss her, but she turned her head away from him.

"I didn't mean it in a sarcastic way, Ran. Your cooking is always great."

She didn't answer him. He simply sighed and went to study.

A few minutes later, Rangiku joined him. She sat on the couch while he was sitting on the floor studying with his textbooks on the table. Rangiku had the baby with her and began to breastfeed him.

"That's a good boy! Drink as much as you want, Takashi. Mama wants you to grow big and strong. Someday, you'll meet a nice girl and you'll marry her. You'll take care of her and appreciate all the little things she does for you because you love her."

Toshiro rolled his eyes when he heard all of this.

Thirty minutes later, Rangiku finished breastfeeding the baby. He was now asleep, and she took him to nursery room and placed him on his crib.

"Good night, Takashi." She said, as she kissed him on the forehead. "Sweet dreams, my little prince."

Rangiku went to the bedroom, changed her clothes, slipped into bed, and went to sleep, as Toshiro was studying in the living room.

As Toshiro was studying, he quickly realized the material was very easy.

 _I guess all that studying is finally paying off. This stuff is easier than I had expected._ He thought.

He decided to go to sleep early, so he put away his notes and textbooks in his backpack, turned off the lights to the living room, and made his way to the bedroom.

Once in the bedroom, he took off his clothes, and slipped into bed. Rangiku was sleeping on her side, so he decided to sleep closer to her in a spoon position. He put his arm around her waist, drawing her closer to him. His head was close to her head, and he could smell the aroma of her hair. He loved the way her hair gave off an aroma of strawberries and peaches. He never knew if it was natural or just the shampoo Rangiku used. It didn't matter, he loved it either way.

"You liar. You said you were going to pull an all nighter." Rangiku whispered.

"I overestimated how much I needed to study. I know the material pretty well. Besides, was wrong if I go to sleep early?" Toshiro said, as he was running down his hand on Rangiku's leg while kissing her ear.

"Stop it! I told you you're not getting anything tonight." She said, as she took his hand away from her leg and moved away from him. She turned around to face him, as Toshiro went in to deliver a passionate kiss. He rolled on top of her and they're tongues began to fight for supremacy. Rangiku broke the kiss.

"Shiro, stop it." She said, as she was catching her breath. Her face was closed to his and she could see desire in his icy blue eyes.

"I want you tonight, Ran." He said, as he began to ravish her neck.

"No." Rangiku moaned in ecstasy.

"You're the woman of my dreams and I don't ever want to leave you. I want to make more children with you. Soul Society would never understand the love I have for you. You and the baby are all the family I have." Toshiro said, as he continued to kiss her neck.

"Then why don't you do it right and ravish me already." Rangiku said, as she was now fully aroused.

Toshiro kissed her, and once again, their tongues began to fight for supremacy. Throughout that night, their bedroom was filled with the sounds of an orgasmic symphony. By the time they were finished, they were exhausted.

They slept peacefully that night.

Toshiro could taste something. He didn't know what it was, but it was getting stronger. The taste was getting more intense until he could finally identify it: strawberries and peaches. It was intoxicating. Suddenly, he noticed he was wasn't breathing and started to gasp for air.

He woke up to find Rangiku's face in front of him.

"Good morning, Shiro-chan." She said seductively, as she kissed him deeply.

He broke the kiss and got out of bed.

"I'm going to be late for school, Rangiku. Wasn't last night enough for you?" Toshiro said, as he was putting on his pants.

"It's never enough." She said, in a sultry voice as she smiled.

"I'm sorry, but I have to go. I have a test today!"

"Oh, I wonder how you're going to take a test in a burned out building." She said, as she laid on the bed while she played with her hair.

"Rangiku, that's not funny. I'm serious. I have a test to take today. Now are you going to make me breakfast or not?"

"I'm not joking. Why don't you take a look at the TV and see for yourself."

Toshiro quickly went to the living room and turned on the TV to the local news channel. He was shocked at what he saw. He saw Karakura High School had burned down to the ground, while on the other side of the split screen, the mayor was holding a live press conference regarding the incident. He took out his smartphone from his pocket and called Ichigo.

"Yo, Ichigo! Did you see the news? The school burned down!"

"Ayo, mane! I saw it! Dat mutha went down harder than the Hindenburg, mane!" Ichigo laughed.

"So what's going to happen? Are we going to get transferred to another school?

"No way, mane! Dat ain't happening! It's already two months into the new semester and they ain't transferring nobody. All the high schools in the area are packed, and they ain't taking any of us on account that the school has a bad rap for being a place for hoodlums and ratchet behavior. It's school out for the whole year, baby!"

"Dude, are you serious!? School's out for the entire year?"

"DAT'S RRRIGHT! Check this out, playa. The town ain't getting enough tax revenue so they don't have enough Yens to build a new school building, unless they get an emergency loan from the national government. But even if they do get the loan, it's going to take almost a year to finish building the school. By that time, it will be a new school year and the local government would be better off giving the loan money to the other high schools so they could expand their capacity."

"How do you know this stuff, Ichigo?"

"Sometimes when I can't sleep at night, I watch the local affairs TV channel. They rebroadcast the city council meetings that took place that day and I watch them until I fall asleep. That's how I know the local government is screwed up and in the red."

"So, what are you going to do with all that free time?" Asked Toshiro.

"Babe watching, playa! Ima go to the mall and scope dem tiddies out!" Said Ichigo, enthusiastically. "How 'bout you, playa? You gonna be spending some quality time with yo side chicks, if you know what I mean?" Laughed Ichigo.

"No, I'm going to work more hours at Lawson's and catch up on my sleep. Having two jobs, school, and a family takes a toll on one's sleep. And I really need my sleep." Said Toshiro.

"You do you, mane. Text me if you ever wanna hangout and go Babe watching with me! Catch you later, playa!"

Toshiro laughed, "See you later and thanks for the info, Ichigo."

He ended the phone call, turned off the TV, and went back to the bedroom. He took off his clothes, and slipped into bed. He was starting to fall asleep, when the door opened and out came Rangiku. She was wearing her red silk kimono night robe. Toshiro opened his eyes to the busty beauty that was leaning inside the doorway.

"Don't let school get in the way of your education, Shiro-chan." Rangiku said in a sultry voice, as she took off her night robe to reveal her hot nude body.

Toshiro laughed and said, "Why not? I have all the time in the world now."

Rangiku walked seductively to the bed, slipped under the bed sheets next to Toshiro, and she and Toshiro began to passionately kiss.

They had a late breakfast that day.


	3. Party Like It's 1999

_Prince's Little Red Corvette plays in the background_

Two weeks had passed since the school had burned to the ground. Just as Ichigo had predicted, the local government obtained a loan from the national government to rebuild the school. The organized crime syndicate that controlled both the construction workers union and the commercial developer company in charge of rebuilding the school was purposely stalling the project in order to obtain more money from the local government. As a result, the rebuilding was being severely delayed and going over budget. No one knew when exactly the school would finally open. The vast majority of parents didn't care to send their children to cram school to make sure they didn't fall behind on their academics. This resulted in many of the students having free time to engage in other activities: juvenile delinquency, drinking, smoking, thotery, internet trolling, and marathon vidya game playing. True to his word, Ichigo began to babe watch at the local mall, but was kicked out when women began to complain to security after he took unsolicited pictures of them while they were shopping at the Victoria Secret's store. As for Toshiro, he began to work more hours at his convenience store clerk job and taking more computer freelance jobs, while Rangiku stayed home and took care of the baby. When they had free time-and they had plenty-they used it to explore each other's body. Sometimes, Rangiku couldn't get enough of Toshiro, and other times Toshiro wondered how she had such an insatiable desire for him. But he didn't complained for he was a happy man.

A few weeks later, late in the morning while lying on the couch in the living room and Takashi was playing in his playpen, Rangiku received a text from Orihime.

"Shiro, do you have anything planned for this Friday?" She yelled across the living room and into the bedroom where Toshiro was working on his laptop on a project for a client.

"No, why?" He said without taking a break from his work.

"Orihime invited us to a costume party Keigo is hosting at his house. Everybody from school is invited."

"We can go if you can find someone to babysit Takashi."

"I'll text Nanao to see if she's available on Friday night." Rangiku said, as she began to text her.

Toshiro came out of the bedroom and made his way into the kitchen to get a bottle of water from the refrigerator. The doorbell rang.

"I'll get it, Ran." Toshiro said.

Toshiro opened the door and was surprised to see Nanao.

"Good morning, Captain Hitsugaya." Nanao said with a smile on her face.

"Good morning, Nanao." Toshiro said as he let her in. He was still surprised.

"Hi, Rangiku." Nanao said grinning.

"NANAO, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?!" Rangiku said in shock, as she pointed at her.

"Oh, nothing. I just decided on a new look, that's all."

"A new LOOK?! You got your breast size increased!" Rangiku said as she got up from the couch and quickly went up to examine Nanao.

"How can you even afford these?! I bet they're fake, aren't they?" Rangiku said in a jealous tone, as she began to grope Nanao.

"Rangiku, stop it! You're embarrassing me in front of Captain Hitsugaya!" She said, blushing.

Toshiro sat down on the couch and couldn't believe what was happening in front of his eyes.

 _Deez hoes be runnin' wild!_ He remember what Ichigo once said when they were on the school's rooftop discussing a Jerry Springer episode and arguing whether or not the show was scripted. It was the perfect phrase to describe what he was witnessing in his living room.

"And for your information, I've been saving up for them for some time now. That's how I can afford them. And yes, they're real because I got the potion from that old lady who owns that store outside of the Seireitei." Nanao, confidently said with a smug look on her face.

"Are you jealous Rangiku?" Nanao said smirking.

"No, I am not! What made you _upgrade_ your size anyways, Nanao?"

"Oh, you know. I was tired of being mocked by a certain _someone_ " She looked at Rangiku. "So I decided it was time to make the change. Plus, maybe I can finally get some guys to ask me out on a date."

"I bet Captain Kyoraku loves your new look!" Rangiku said with a teasing smile.

"Ugh, don't remind me of that pervert! He's been ogling me since the changes took place. But it doesn't matter, good looking guys are starting to notice me so that's a good thing." She said with a proud smile.

"I still think they're fake." Rangiku said with a suspicious look on her face.

"Oh, really? Why don't you take a closer look?"

"Ah, before I forget! Captain Hitsugaya, these are the rest of the forms Soul Society has sent you. Please complete them before the end of next week." Nanao said while bowing and handing Toshiro a binder of new paperwork.

"Thanks, I'll get started on them as soon as possible." He said while getting up from the couch he had been seating for the last few minutes witnessing this entire bizarre ordeal.

"So, shall we?" Nanao looked at Rangiku while she walked down the hallway and went inside the bathroom.

Rangiku turned to Toshiro and scoffed, "I bet they're fake." as she walked down the hallway and joined Nanao in the bathroom.

A few seconds later, Rangiku screamed and it could be heard all the way into the living room.

"NO WAY! THIS IS NOT FAIR! Mine are 100% natural and you just had to take a stupid potion to get them this big!"

Nanao laughed, as both of them left the bathroom and went into the hallway.

"How does it feel to not be the only busty beauty in Soul Society?" Nanao asked with a grin.

"It's not fair. I wanted to be the only one." Rangiku lamented.

Nanao turned to face Rangiku and pressed her breasts against Rangiku's.

"Well get used to it now because you're not the only sexy babe in town." She said as she laughed.

"I have to go now. Goodbye, Captain Hitsugaya. Rangiku." She said bowing respectfully towards Toshiro.

"Before you leave, Nanao. Can you babysit Takashi this Friday?"

"Yes, Rangiku, I can. But I may not be available next week." She winked.

Nanao opened the door and left.

"Those are definitely not double d's. That's some major boobage right there." Toshiro said.

"WHAT?! You were looking at them the whole time weren't you, you filthy pig?!" Rangiku demanded.

"How can you NOT noticed them, woman?! And besides, she was wearing a blouse and not showing any cleavage. At least she wasn't wearing a low cut tank top!" Toshiro responded.

"For your information, Toshiro Hitsugaya, I only wear those types of tops inside the house and not outside for everyone to ogle me!" Rangiku angrily responded. "And don't forget to get your costume before Friday because we're going to that party no matter what."

"Fine, but you better get a modest costume. Or else. I don't want you looking like a thot, and it better not be an expensive one. I'm not a multi-millionaire, you know."

"What's the matter, is the great Captain Hitsugaya afraid his wife is going to be the center of attention at the party?" Rangiku said in a mocking tone.

"No, I'm afraid you might have a wardrobe malfunction and disappoint a lot of people when they see your saggy mountains." Toshiro responded with a laugh.

"THEY ARE NOT SAGGY! YOU TAKE THAT BACK TOSHIRO HITSUGAYA!" Rangiku growled.

"Why don't you take it off right now and prove your double mountain tops are the Ninth Wonder of the World?" Toshiro said, egging Rangiku on.

"With pleasure!" Rangiku said, with a scowling look on her face, as she began to take off her top.

She stopped half way before she realized what was happening.

"You sly dog." She said with a smirk on her face. "You're not getting a peak at these beauties."

Toshiro sat on the couch laughing. He got up and went up to Rangiku.

"I have to get back to work. Thanks for the entertainment, Ran." He said, as he slapped her rear.

"Why you filthy-!" Rangiku reacted angrily.

Toshiro walked into the hallway and continued to laugh.

 _You're such an idiot, Toshiro._ Rangiku thought as she blushed and bit her lower lip.

Toshiro came back home from work. It was 9PM and everyone was asleep. He went to the bedroom, changed his clothes, and slipped into bed. He was able to finish his freelance computer project before he went to work his shift at the local convenience store, despite the bizarre morning visit from Nanao. It had truly been a strange day.

Rangiku was sleeping on her side, her back against Toshiro, when he leaned over to try to kiss her goodnight on the cheek. She turned around to face him.

"Oh, you're back." She sleepily said.

"Yeah." He said as he pulled the bed sheet towards him.

"Ran, by the way, who's that old lady Nanao was talking about? The one she purchased her breast potion from?" He curiously asked.

"Oh, her? Her name is Nakamura-sensei. She owns a store called _Nakamura Health Boutique._ They sell the best facial masks and cleansers. She also sells acne treatments that are 100% guarantee to treat even the most stubborn of acne." Rangiku said.

"But what about the breast potion?"

"Supposedly that's one of the high end products she sells and only the wealthy can afford them." She said with a yawn. 

"So, how much did you pay for your potion?" He asked.

Rangiku turned around and went up to his face. He could see his reflection in her fiery blue eyes.

"Listen, Toshiro Hitsugaya." She hissed. "I'm a 100% natural beauty and everything about me is real! Don't you ever get it into your idiotic head that my mountains are fake, you hear!"

"If I wasn't so tired right now, I would have kicked your ass for being such a disrespectful brat." She continued.

"I was just kidding, Ran." He said with a confident chuckle. "I know yours are real. I've always known."

Rangiku was getting angrier and looked like she was ready to deliver a vicious slap. Her icy blue eyes were viciously staring down Toshiro.

"Well, Goodnight, Ran. Honk! Honk!" Toshiro said, as he squeezed her breasts.

Rangiku was about to slap him, when he delivered a passionate kiss. Rangiku was completely caught off guard. Time stood still, as electricity ran across her body and the kiss became a deep and passionate one that shook her wide awake. Their tongues battled for supremacy, until Toshiro finally broke away, leaving Rangiku blushing and gasping for air. Her eyes were no longer filled with fury, but with desire. Toshiro had a huge grin on his face. He turned around on the side of his back and began to fall asleep. Rangiku still shocked at what had occurred, rolled to her side and began to fall asleep, as well.

 _You're such an idiot, Toshiro. But why are you such a great kisser? You really_ _know how to drive a woman wild, don't you?_ She thought to herself while blushing, as she pressed two fingers against her lips, still amazed at the intensity of such a kiss. Just then, she felt Toshiro wrapping his arm around her waist. She put her hand on top of his and continued to fall asleep. She had a blissful smile on her face.

Friday night came and Rangiku and Toshiro were getting dressed up to go to the party. Toshiro went to change into his costume in the baby's nursery room because Rangiku was changing in the bedroom and wanted her costume to be a surprise. He finished first so he went into the living room and sat on the couch to wait for her.

"Ta-Da!" Rangiku said to announced her entrance. "How do I look?"

"Wow! You look absolutely ravishing, Rangiku!" He said, his eyes looking at her up and down.

Rangiku was wearing a Jessica Rabbit Forest Park Ranger outfit complete with a hat, red wig, and makeup that matched Jessica Rabbit's as seen in the film. While she was slightly showing some cleavage, it was nothing like how it would normally show while wearing her school or Shinigami uniform so it was a welcome relief for Toshiro. But because of her breast size, she left little to the imagination that she was packing some major boobage underneath her top. She turned around to give Toshiro a good look at her sexy costume.

"Only you can prevent forest fires." Rangiku said, pointing at Toshiro, as she winked and blew a kiss at him.

Toshiro approached her and wrapped his arms around her hips.

"Miss, I got a forest fire that needs containment right here." He said to her with a smile.

"Oh, behave!" She giggled, as they kissed.

The door rang.

"I guess she's here." Toshiro said, as both of them went to open the door.

"Good Evening, Captain Hitsugaya. My, my, don't you look dashing?" Nanao said, as she stared at Toshiro who was wearing an ivory suit and pants with a linen vest; blue dress shirt; pastel lining plaid tie, and a pair of two-tone white and brown dress shoes. His hair was combed back.

"Thanks." He said smiling.

"Hi, Nanao come inside." Rangiku said.

"That's some sexy outfit you're wearing, Rangiku." Nanao said.

"Thanks. Can you take a picture of Toshiro and me, Nanao, please?"

"Yes, but I'll take one for myself as well, okay?" Nanao said.

"Okay."

Nanao took a picture of the happy couple. Later, Rangiku took a picture of Nanao and Toshiro, and one with her, as well.

"The baby is sleeping in the nursery and I already fed him, so he won't be a problem. But just in case he's a little hungry, I left a bottle of milk in the refrigerator. You just have to heat it up in the microwave." Rangiku said.

"Ok, thanks. Have fun you guys, but not _too_ much - if you know what I mean." Nanao winked at them as she led them outside and closed the door.

Twenty minutes later, Rangiku and Toshiro arrived at Keigo's house. The party was in full swing. Inside the house, music was being played loudly, while people were filling up their red plastic cups from two beer kegs in the kitchen. Some people were making out on the couch or in the corners of the living room. Everybody was wearing some sort of costume - from the most simple to the most elaborate. Rangiku spotted a group of girls dressed up as Victoria Secret's angels.

"And you complained about modesty, Toshiro. Look at those ratchet hoes over there." Rangiku pointed while scoffing in disgust.

Toshiro looked at them - they were wearing nothing but lingerie. He was a bit surprised to see that at the party.

"No wonder people think our school is a den of ratcheness and thotery." Rangiku said, as she shook her head and pulled Toshiro away and into the kitchen where they found a shirtless black dude with sagging blue jeans that exposed his boxers getting a beer refill.

"Ayo, Toshiro and Matsumoto! Welcome to da party! You ready to get down and dirty?" He said, while thrusting his hips.

"Ichigo, it's that you?" Asked an amazed Toshiro.

"Dat's right, muh Nigga."

"So, who are you supposed to be, Ichigo?" Rangiku asked with a raised eyebrow. "A character from a Blacksplotation film?"

"Nah, nuffin' like dat. I'm Tupac." Ichigo said with a smile.

"You sure don't look like him, given the fact that he didn't have Hello Kitty and Asuka Langley tattoos on his back." Rangiku said, laughing.

"What da?! Dayum, I told dat Chinese tattoo artist to give me tats like Tupac, mayne! Imma bust a cap on his ass tomorrow. Nigga had a two fo' one deal dats why I got tatted up in his joint." Ichigo said, turning his head around and trying to catch a glimpse of his back, his gold chains swinging from his neck.

"I'm sure you can sort this misunderstanding peacefully, Ichigo." Toshiro said. "How did you get the skin color right?"

"Sprayed tanned it muh self, since I'm no tannin' bed expert."

"So, who y'all supposed to be, mayne?" Ichigo asked the both of them.

"Jessica Rabbit, Forest Park Ranger."

"A newly minted multi-millionaire during the Roaring Twenties, who's wealth derived from a questionable source."

"So like Gatsby or somethin'?" Ichigo asked Toshiro.

"Yes, something like that." Toshiro chuckled, amazed that Ichigo had gotten the reference.

"Well you kidz grab some booze and enjoy da party. Imma dirty dance with dem babes over there." Ichigo said, as he made his way into the living room to where a group of girls wearing Playboy bunny outfits were dancing. The girls looked like they were from the nearby university in the area.

Rangiku shock her head and had a look of disapproval. Toshiro simply laughed.

Just then, Orihime walked into the kitchen to get a soda from the refrigerator.

"Rangiku! Hitsugaya! Nice to see you here." She said smiling.

"Oh, uh, it's nice to see you too, Orihime." Toshiro said, surprised to see her wearing a French maid outfit that left little to the imagination.

"Yes, it's good to see you, Orihime." Rangiku said, with a raised eyebrow and looking at Orihime's exposed cleavage and very short skirt. "Nice, costume. I'm sure all the boys here love it." She said sarcastically.

"Thanks! I was worried I was showing too much skin. Do you think I'm showing too much skin, Hitsugaya?"

"No, no. It's fine." Toshiro said chuckling.

"You might want to cover up a bit, Orihime. You don't want to give them the wrong impression." Rangiku said, while pointing to Ichigo who was dirty dancing with a couple of university girls wearing Playboy bunny outfits.

"Who cares about him! He's an idiot _gaijin_ that doesn't know any better. Who invited him anyways?" She said laughing while covering her mouth.

Both Rangiku and Toshiro looked at each other dumbfounded at Orihime's response.

Rukia walked in to refill her red plastic cup from one of the kegs.

"Hi, Rangiku." She waved her hand. "Hey, Hitsugaya, you look fine!" She said while licking her lips.

"Hi, Rukia."

"Hi, Rukia. I didn't know you wanted to be a bride." Rangiku said.

"Oh, I'm not a bride, silly. I'm Madonna." Rukia said. " _Like a virgin, touched for the very first time_." She sang.

"I didn't know you were so nostalgic for a time you were never a part of." Toshiro said.

"Yeah, especially since Madonna continues to be the same as she was back then - an attention- seeking ho." Rangiku added.

"We're all yearning to be part of a past we never lived in because we're strangers in our own present, while we're crawling towards a dismal and uncertain future. We live in a society that has allowed us to live comfortably than at any other point in time, yet we all feel lost. We're all searching for something, but we don't know what it is." Rukia said. "Anyways, you guys enjoy the party. I'm going to see if I can find Renji. See you." She said as she took a sip from her red cup and walked away.

Again, Toshiro and Rangiku looked at each other dumbfounded at what they had just heard.

"See you, guys. I'm going to try to find Tatsuki." Orihime said as she left the kitchen.

"Bye."

"See you." Rangiku replied. She turned towards Toshiro and whispered. "What a bunch of skanks. Can you believe them?"

"Well, it's just a costume party. I'm sure they're not _really_ like that."

"Sure, Toshiro. And you didn't want me to show some cleavage. Well, that ho sure isn't leaving anything to the imagination." Rangiku remarked.

"Come on, let's dance." Toshiro grabbed Rangiku by the hand and led her into the living room.

They began to dance when Rangiku noticed a couple coming out from a closet and she got an idea.

"Hey, Shiro. Wanna play Seven Minutes in Heaven? I'll make it worth your while." She whispered seductively into his ear.

"No way, woman! In a place like this?! I'm not getting caught with my pants down!" Toshiro said to her.

Rangiku laughed. Just then, a group of girls from their school, the same group that had thrown themselves at Toshiro during the first day of class, went up to Toshiro.

"Dance with me Hitsugaya-kun!" A girl said while grabbing his arm.

"No! With me!" Another one said while grabbing his other arm pulling him towards her.

"Have my baby, Hitsugaya-kun!" Another girl who was a senior said, while wrapping her arms around him.

"SCRAM, YOU THOTS!" Rangiku furiously screamed.

"Why do you care? It's not like you're his girlfriend?" Another girl defiantly responded.

"No, but I'm his date! So be gone, thots!" Rangiku countered.

The girls ran away screaming after seeing a furious Rangiku who looked like she could inflict upon them violent physical harm to punish them for their thotery ways. Something their parents clearly had neglected to do so.

Toshiro laughed, "You sure scared them." He said.

"You're with me, so don't you forget it." Rangiku said with a serious expression that soon turned into a smirk, as they continued to dance, as everyone dancing around them was oblivious to the fact Rangiku had repelled the bane of the First World from her man. They continued to dance, feeling young and care-free. It was a nice change of pace for Toshiro and Rangiku, given their responsibilities as parents and Shinigamis and the constant efforts they made daily to hide their relationship and the product that came from said relationship.

After a few dance numbers, Toshiro and Rangiku sat down on the couch to take a break. Ichigo got on top of a table and started singing _Straight out of Compton_ by NWA and people became even more unruly. Toshiro and Rangiku got up and headed towards the kitchen to get some water and avoid the hooliganism that had begun to start.

As the night went on, the party got crazier. People were in a corner smoking from a bong and passing it around; others were passed out on the couch; fights started to break out outside by individuals who were drunk or stoned out of their minds- or both; a few girls started to go topless, much to the disapproving eyes of Rangiku, and other party guests begun to destroy Keigo's house by spray painting the walls or smashing some of furniture.

"Shiro, let's get out of here before the police show up." Rangiku whispered into Toshiro's ear.

"Let me use the bathroom first." Toshiro said as he stepped out of the kitchen and navigated the sea of hooliganism in the living room to use the upstairs bathroom since there was a long line to use the one downstairs.

Toshiro went inside the bathroom, and quickly finished his business. As he was opening the door, he noticed Ichigo was walking upstairs while having his arm wrapped around a girl's waist. The girl was dressed up as Officer Jenny from Pokémon. She was wearing a mini skirt and revealing plenty of cleavage. Toshiro quickly walked to the end of the hall, faced the wall, and slightly leaned forward to make it look as he was drunk.

"Gurl, let me smash dat ass. 'Cause dayum, dat's a fine piece of ass you got!" Ichigo said to the girl.

The girl giggled "Oh, Ichigo! It's that what you tell all the girls?" she said.

"Nah, gurl. Only a sexy momma like you." He answered, as he kissed her.

They went inside a bedroom and closed the door.

Toshiro quickly made his way downstairs and left with Rangiku.

As they took the train back home, Rangiku began to discuss the evening's events.

"Some party, huh?"

"More like a rave."

"Did you see who Ichigo was taking upstairs? That filthy pig!"

"Yeah, I did. But it's none of our business, so don't get involve, Ran. Ok?"

"I'm not getting involve. That's his problem if he gets his ass kicked because he was fooling around when he knows better not to." She scoffed.

They had the entire train to themselves, since it was the last train for the day. Toshiro put his arm around Rangiku and pulled her in for a kiss.

"I was wanting for that all night, you know?" Rangiku said, as she continued to kiss him.

"Well, I didn't want to blow our cover." He responded.

As the kiss started to get more passionate, Rangiku broke away to catch her breath. That's when Toshiro whispered into her ear. She quickly blushed and scolded Toshiro.

"Toshiro Hitsugaya! I'm a wife and mother; I'm not that type of woman!"

"You didn't have a problem doing it when we were on that flight to Tahiti. As a matter of fact, you begged me to because you wanted to join the Mile High Club."

"That's different!" She said, blushing. "We were inside a restroom and not in our flight seats for all to see."

Toshiro laughed. "I just want to see if it's true what they say about red heads."

"What do they say about red heads, Toshiro?" Rangiku asked suspiciously.

"Red in the head, crazy in-''

"Oh, behave!" She interrupted him.

Toshiro leaned forward and kissed her. Rangiku was caught off guard, but didn't fight his kiss. She was more than happy to have their tongues battle it out, since she found his kisses simply irresistible, and this one was no exception.

By the time they reached their destination, they looked into each other's eyes and knew exactly what both had on their minds.

Nanao opened the door and let in Rangiku and Toshiro.

"How was the party?"

"It was fine, but it got too rowdy at the end. I'll tell you all about it tomorrow, Nanao. How is the baby?"

"He's asleep in his crib. He drank some of the milk you left him."

"Nanao, thank you for babysitting him. We really appreciate your help." Toshiro said, while bowing."

"Oh, it's no trouble at all, Captain." She said while returning the bow.

"Good night, Nanao." Rangiku said.

"Good night, Rangiku. Good night, Captain Hitsugaya."

"Good night, Nanao."

Toshiro closed the door while Rangiku made her way into the nursery to check on the baby. She leaned forward into the crib and kissed the baby good night. She went into the bedroom were Toshiro was changing his clothes, and closed the door.

"Now where were we?" She said with a mischievous smile, as she slowly and seductively approach Toshiro who was sitting down on the side of the bed.

"We were on the train when I suggested…" He whisper into her ear.

"Well, now that we're here in the privacy of our bedroom" She sat on his lap and put her arm around his shoulders while she was running her other hand on his pecs. "That can be arranged." She said seductively.

She began to unbuttoned her top, spilling out her glorious assets that were being restrained by a black bra. Toshiro began to kiss her all while his hands were unhooking her bra. They fell back on the bed and began to take their passionate desires into the next level. A few hours later, they were sleeping blissfully after a long love making session.


	4. Ichigo Wuz a Gud Boy, He Dindu Nuffin!

Two weeks later, Toshiro was on his computer in the living room working on a new computer project for a client. His smartphone made a tweet sound; he checked it to read the text message:

 _Yo u free right now? I need 2 talk 2 u in person its important_

 _I have time. Where do you want to meet?_

 _At da park near da mall._

 _I'll be there in 15 minutes._

 _Thanks bro_

"Ran, I'm going out on an errand. You need something?" He shouted across the living room and into the nursery where she was breastfeeding Takashi.

"Bring me some sake! Just kidding! Bring some soba noodles and vegetables, ok? Thanks, honey."

Toshiro left the apartment and went to meet Ichigo at the park. Fifteen minutes later, he arrived at the park. He spotted Ichigo looking through his smartphone while seating on a park bench.

"Yo, why did you want to talk?"

"Ayo, you came alone, dawg?"

"Yeah, why?"

Ichigo looked around anxiously.

"So, what's going, dude? Why so paranoid?" Toshiro chuckled.

"I knocked up Nel, mayne! You gotta help me!" Ichigo said.

Toshiro laughed. "Dude, you should have just texted me this joke instead of having me come all the way here to hear it from you."

"Nigga, I ain't playin'! I knocked her up!"

"You serious, dude?!"

"Yea, help me, mayne! Wut do I do?!"

Toshiro couldn't believed what he had just heard. "Did you bang her at the costume party?"

"Yea."

"Did she tell you you're the baby daddy?

"Yea, she texted me today a picture of the positive pregnancy test."

"You have to make sure you're the baby daddy, so get a DNA test."

"I know, I know. But iz gonna be hard 'cause muh dad kicked me out of da house today." Ichigo said nervously.

"Why?"

" 'Cause I… I…"

"T-T-Today, Junior!"

"He found out I knocked up Unagiya!"

"NIGGA, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!" Toshiro exploded. "I told you not to go putting your Zanpakutō where it don't belong. But did you even listen? No! You go put it in a single mother! You better pray to Buddha that you're not the baby daddy of her or Nel unless you want your paychecks to go to the both of them for the next 18 years." Toshiro shock his head in disbelief at Ichigo's stupidity.

"I'm sorry, mayne! I know I fugkd up bad." Ichigo said. "Listen, I know da timin' iz bad, but can I crash at your place? Iz juz fo' a couple of dayz."

"No! I have a family to take care. Besides, I don't want to be around you when Grimmjow finds out you knocked up his girl."

"Nah, hol' up! It wuzn't like dat, mayne. She had broken up with him before we hooked up at da party."

"So you went for the rebound because you decided to listen to your little head instead of your big head, is that it?"

"She wuz so fine dat night, mayne! I had to smash dat ass!"

"Hope it was worth all the trouble you're in and all the trouble you will be when Grimmjow hears about this and kills your sorry ass."

"Please, mayne. I got's nowhere to go. Help a nigga out, mayne." Ichigo knelt down before Toshiro. "I don't want to live in a van down by da river." He begged.

Toshiro rolled his eyes. "Get up, dude. Have some dignity. Look, I'll talk to Rangiku about it, but I can't guarantee anything, all right?"

"Sure, mayne, sure. U do wut you can."

"I better get going. I'll try to discuss this tonight with Rangiku. I'll see you later and here." Toshiro reached into his pocket and gave Ichigo some money. "It's not much, but you'll be able to get a room at a nearby motel."

"You sure it's all right?"

"Yeah, it's all right. We're in the typhoon season and I don't want you to die of pneumonia or get swept up by a raging river." Toshiro said nonchalantly.

"Thanks, mayne. Buddha bless yo heart, mayne. I 'ppreciate it."

Toshiro left the park and went to a local grocery store to buy the things Rangiku had asked for. Once he bought the food, he went straight home.

"I'm home." Toshiro said.

"Toshiro, you're not going to believe what I've just found out!"

"Now, calm down, Rangiku. Let's discuss this in a civilized manner. You know getting irate makes your breast milk sour and the baby doesn't like that." Toshiro said, trying to diffuse a potential explosive situation.

"Why would I get angry after Keigo's house caught on fire and his parents kicked his ass?" Rangiku wondered.

"Oh, never mind." Toshiro said.

"Well, Keigo's house caught on fire after someone let a burning bong near a cup filled with beer. That was a new house they had just bought a few months ago! Anyways, his parents found out the next day when they came back from their vacation, and Keigo got his ass knocked out. Nobody knows where he is so it's safe to assume his parents probably dumped his body in the river."

"Well, I'm sorry to hear that."

"That's not all. Apparently, a few people were arrested for underage drinking, disorderly conduct, and public indecency."

"And it doesn't end there." Rangiku began to chuckle. "I heard some hos got knocked up at the party and their frantically trying to find who their baby daddies are." She let out a huge laugh.

Toshiro rolled his eyes and said, "It seems you're enjoying too much the misfortune that has befallen on others."

"Oh, you know me. I can't help but laugh when thots and morons get slapped around by Miss Fortune." Rangiku giggled like a school girl.

"Here's the stuff you ordered."

"Why thank you, Shiro. I'll get started on dinner."

Toshiro sat down on the floor to watch his son playing inside his playpen.

 _Your mother is definitely weird._ Toshiro thought as he watched his son build a tower with his blocks. _But she makes up for it with other things._ As he turn his head to watch Rangiku begin to cook dinner. The baby laughed when the blocks fell down.

Half an hour later, dinner was ready. Toshiro and Rangiku each ate a bowl of Soba noodles with chicken and vegetable soup. After their meal, Rangiku sat down on the couch to feed the baby. A few hours later, they were getting ready to go to sleep.

"Toshiro! You're not going to believe this!" Rangiku said, while looking at her smartphone.

"If it's silly gossip regarding Keigo's party, I don't want to hear it. It's all so tiresome after a while." Toshiro said.

"NEL GOT KNOCKED UP!" Rangiku squealed.

"I'm shocked, completely shocked, I tell you." Toshiro responded sarcastically.

"Well, it shouldn't be surprising to anyone. Especially, when we saw Ichigo taking her upstairs during the party." She said while lying on the bed.

"Let's go to sleep, Ran. I'm not a fan of this drama nonsense." Toshiro said, as he slipped into bed and pulled the bedsheets towards him.

"She's not the only one that's pregnant, you know." Rangiku mischievously whispered into his ear.

A shocked Toshiro quickly sat up on the bed and looked at Rangiku. She smiled and grabbed Toshiro's hand and placed it on her stomach.

"Rangiku, don't joke like that!"

"But, I'm not. Toshiro, you're going to be a father again." She smiled.

"WHAT?! But I thought you couldn't pregnant again in the World of the Living?! I thought Takashi was just a stroke of pure luck." Said a confused Toshiro.

"I'm two months pregnant, Toshiro. I've just found out today when I went to the doctor's to get my test results. It turns out all my mood swings were being caused by the pregnancy.

"That explains a lot."

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?!"

"Nothing. But you don't have any morning sickness or look pregnant."

"Neither of those things happened when I was three months pregnant with Takashi. And what do you mean, 'I don't look pregnant'? Are you calling me fat?"

"No, I'm just shocked this would happened again."

"What's there to be surprised? We've been making sweet love almost every day, it was only a matter of time before I got pregnant again." Rangiku said mischievously as she ran her finger down Toshiro's chest and started kissing his ear.

"It just our finances are tight, and I'm working two jobs to support us, and-''

"TOSHIRO HITSUGAYA, TAKE RESPONSIBILITY! Otherwise, you're no different than Ichigo. All you men just want to pump and dump and forget about the consequences. Is that what you want?"

"Calm down, Rangiku. I never said that and I am not abandoning my family. Did I ran away when I knocked you up?"

"Yes, you did! You seduced me that night in the forest and a few months later when I told you knocked me up, you ran away."

"I did not ran away! I'm still here and I even married you! And I DID NOT seduced you in the forest because you're the one that threw herself at me. What was I supposed to do, stop?"

"Yes, you were supposed to stop, but judging by it, you seemed to be too experienced for a so-called _virgin._ "

"You know very well that's not true, but maybe you weren't as innocent as you claimed."

"Oh shut up! You were the only man I have ever been intimate with, so don't pretend you didn't deflower me that night. You were too much of an expert that night, as if you had previous experience under your belt."

Suddenly, Toshiro remembered a few moments when he was young and a lieutenant in Squad 10.

Captain Isshin Kurosaki was seating at his office desk, flipping through a magazine, while Toshiro was working on a stack of paperwork that his captain had given to him to complete. Rangiku was in a corner of the office looking through the file cabinet, trying to find a couple of forms. Toshiro looked up from his work to see a bent over Rangiku. He blushed since he had a perfect view of her from where he was seated.

"She's got a sweet ass, ain't that right boy?" A surprised Toshiro turned around to see a grinning Isshin next to him. Isshin slapped him on his back.

"Matsumoto! Find whatever it is you're looking for quickly. You're distracting my boy with your big ass!" Isshin said.

Toshiro blushed in embarrassment.

"What?! Captain Kurosaki, don't speak to me like that! Besides, I'm trying to find a couple of forms, but I can't find them."

"Let me take a look. You people have this cabinet looking like a dump."

"It's not my fault. Every time I file a form, it always gets lost or put in the wrong place because you're always moving things around where they don't belong."

"I can't find anything in this dump. Check Hitsugaya's stack maybe it's in there."

Rangiku went up to where Toshiro was working and checked through his stack. Toshiro blushed when he caught a glimpse of Rangiku's cleavage. Rangiku caught him looking at her, but he quickly turned his eyes away from her. She smiled and continued looking through the paperwork.

"I found it, captain!"

"About time. And organize this cabinet before you go home."

"You organize it! I didn't make that mess, you did. Lead by example, captain." She said as she copied the forms and filed them away correctly.

"I'm going home. See you all tomorrow."

"Don't drink yourself into a gutter, Matsumoto." Isshin said laughing.

"Very funny." She said sarcastically as she left the office.

"What an annoying woman." Isshin said. "Hitsugaya, organize the file cabinet. I'm going to my favorite Geisha house tonight. Good night." He got up from his desk and left.

"Yes, sir." He sighed and went over to organize it. He didn't complained since he had nowhere to be at this time at night and didn't have a social life for someone of his age and position.

Two weeks later, Isshin was walking to his favorite bar when he heard a woman calling him.

"Kurosaki-san! Kurosaki-san!"

He turned around to see a busty woman wearing a red kimono coming towards him.

"Oh, hey Naomi-chan. Did everything go well?" He said smiling.

"No, it didn't!" The woman went up to him. "Is this some sort of joke because I don't have time for this nonsense! I'm a very busy woman and my time is money!" The woman angrily said.

"Wait, so you didn't, you know, perform your services?"

"Of course not! How could I when that brat ran away."

"He did?!"

"Yes, he did. I had only walked into the room, sat next to him, and started to flirt with him and play with his hair, when he freaked out and left the room. I didn't even strip, for crying out loud! No client has ever done that before! It was embarrassing."

"Naomi-chan, I'm so sorry. Why don't-''

"You better be and don't expect a refund! Listen, Kurosaki-san, hire a clown next time because it's clear I'm not the type of entertainment your son wants. And I'm definitely not a babysitter."

"My son?!" He asked surprised. "No, you have it all wrong he's not my-. Never mind. I just wanted to, you know, help him out that's all." He said while putting his hand behind his head. "But since the service was not completed, why don't I take his place? He said grinning.

"Sorry, all services are non-transferable." She said, bowing. As she turned away to leave, Isshin grabbed her by the arm.

"Wait, are you available right now?"

"Well, that depends. If the price is right." She smiled mischievously, as she quickly cover it with a fan, her eyes sparkling under the moonlight.

Isshin took out money from his pocket.

"Is this enough?" He showed it to her.

"Yes, but pick a classy inn." Her eyes, wide in amazement at the amount of money he showed her. "I'm not cheap, you know. Treat me right, and we'll have a grand old time tonight."

"Of course, I'm the perfect gentleman." He grinned.

She laughed the way a noblewoman would-with class and femininity- as they both made their way across the Seireitei to an elegant inn.

The next day, Isshin confronted Toshiro while Rangiku was away getting office supplies.

"Why the hell didn't you accept my birthday present to you, you idiot?! You cost me a lot of money, boy!" Isshin furiously said, reeking of alcohol from last night.

"I-I-am sorry, Captain. I-I'm not that type of guy." Toshiro blushed.

"You're telling me you're a pussy, is that it?"

"NO! I simply don't want to engage in that sort of thing right now."

"You don't want to engage in that sort of thing?! How do you expect to put the moves on Matsumoto?"

"Captain Kurosaki, please don't talk about Matsumoto that way, she's not that type of woman!"

"Don't go white knight on me, boy! You know you wanna tap dat ass! And don't lie to me either 'cause I saw the way you were looking at her when she was picking up those papers off the floor!" Isshin said.

Toshiro blushed, deeply embarrassed at what he was hearing.

Isshin slapped Toshiro's back.

"DAT's MY BOY!" He shouted with a huge grin on his face. "That's why I sent you Naomi-chan as a birthday present so you would actually know what to do when the time comes."

"I want to win her heart the way a gentleman would.''

"Bullshit! Nice guys finish last. Period. Women want a bad boy that takes command and puts them in their place. Why do you think they go after them? For kicks and giggles? No, it's 'cause they're attracted to jerks, that's why."

"Thanks for the advice, Captain, but I rather do things my way."

"Fine, do it your way, but you ain't never gonna get her with that type of pussy attitude." Isshin said. "Take care of the office, I'm going out to get a drink." He said as he walked out of the door.

Toshiro was working over time on his paperwork. Due to Isshin's laziness, Toshiro had received more paperwork that had to be completed before the end of the week.

Rangiku walked in the office.

"Oh, you're still here?" She said surprised.

"Yes, Matsumoto. Unfortunately, captain gave me a lot of work to complete."

She sat on top of his desk next to the big stack of paperwork. He blushed and forced himself to focus on his paperwork.

"Do you have a girlfriend, Hitsugaya?" She asked casually.

"N-N-No. Why do you even ask such a personal question?"

"Just curious, that's all." She said while running her hands through her hair. "You're lucky you're not in a relationship. They can be so frustrating."

"How so?" He asked curiously.

"Well, I have to always make the first move in mine when I want a kiss, since Gin doesn't seem to have a clue on these things, and we don't go on so many dates, like other couples do. He's also never around when I want to go out." She said.

"Why don't you dump him and get a new boyfriend if you don't like your relationship."

"Maybe, I should." She wondered. "He's not a very attentive boyfriend, you know. I should just date the guys at the bar I go to, they're pretty hot."

Toshiro scoffed in disgust.

"Or maybe, I should date you." She said while laughing. "Oh, who am I kidding, you're just a boy!" She continue to laugh.

Toshiro got up from his chair and slam his fists on the desk. "Shut up! I am not a child! Why, why, do you even know why girls call me Mr. Flintstone?"

"No, why?" She asked smiling.

"Because I can make your bed rock." He said with a proud grin on his face.

Rangiku's smile quickly turned into a frown, "WHY YOU FILTHY MIDGET!" She said as she slapped him across the face.

"Hey, I may be short, but I'm not short where it counts." He said with a stupid grin on his face.

Rangiku slapped him again across the face. "Toshiro Hitsugaya, you respect women! Always! If you go around acting like a scumbag, you're never going to get a girlfriend." She said. She got off his desk and walked out the door.

She turned her head, "Honestly, I've never!" She said as she slammed the door shut.

A year later, Captain Kurosaki permanently left Squad 10 for the World of the Living. Toshiro was promoted as captain of the squad to fill Kurosaki's sudden departure.

The following day, Toshiro went to Squad's 10's office as the newly appointed captain. He went inside and noticed a box on top of the desk. On top of the box, was an envelope and he opened it.

 _Just because she has a boyfriend doesn't mean you can't score. Here's something for you to study so when the time comes, you won't have stage fright- if you know what I mean._

 _-Isshin Kurosaki_

He opened the package and was deeply embarrassed to see its contents. He picked up a book from it entitled _Sex for Village Idiots._ Inside the book, was a Post-It note attached to its first page.

 _Check out page 199 for my favorite position. Guaranteed to make women go wild, at least in my experience._

 _-Isshin Kurosaki._

He put the book away in the box, his cheeks intensely blushing.

He noticed there was a stack of magazines inside as well, and out of curiosity, he took them out to take a look at them. He began to sweat profusely, his heart beating rapidly while his breathing increasing deeply. The covers all had busty women on them in different poses and various stages of undress- some wearing lingerie, bikinis, or topless while covering themselves with their hands. He flipped through one of the magazines just out of juvenile curiosity and came across three Post-It notes covering the body of a woman. She had long blond hair, fierce green, and was looking straight at the camera while taking a shower, her body completely wet.

 _Hitsugaya, check this hoe out._

 _She's got a bigger rack than Matsumoto!_

 _AAAAAAH YEAAAHHH! I WANNA ROCK HER WORLD TONIGHT!_

 _No, she doesn't,_ Toshiro thought to himself, as he began to peel off the notes, trying to see if Isshin was right, but hoping he wasn't.

"Oh, hi, Hitsugaya!" Rangiku said, as she opened the door and walked into the office.

"It's _Captain Hitsugaya_ from now on!" Toshiro said, as he quickly put everything back into the box and tried not to look flustered.

"Oh, let me help you, _Captain Hitsugaya_." Rangiku said, as she approached his desk. "I know moving can be a scary thing, especially when you're young, short, and have been appointed into a high position of power while everyone else hopes you fail spectacularly."

Toshiro quickly put the box down on the floor and pushed it behind his desk. "No! I can do it myself. Now finish your paperwork, you're already four days behind." He said.

"Fine! I guess you're not going to be fun after all. Just my luck, I get stuck with a stuffy, boring old midget for a boss!" She said as she sat down in her desk, opened a drawer, and took out a bottle of sake.

"MATSUMOTO, GET BACK TO WORK!"

When work had ended for the day, Toshiro headed straight to his apartment. He declined Rangiku's help to carry his box home. He had taped the box shut so her curiosity would not get the best of her and cause her to take a peek inside. Once he arrived home, he closed the door, went to his bedroom, and turned on the lights. He sat the box down, and opened it. He went through the magazine covers until he found the one Isshin's notes was in. Once he found it, he flipped through the pages to find again the blonde woman and started to peel off the Post-It notes. He was dismayed to find out Isshin was right. _Maybe they're fake. I heard women in the World of the Living get surgery to increase their size._ He thought, as he put the magazines back in the box and went to bed. _But I wonder if Matsumoto's are real?_ He thought, as he fell asleep.


End file.
